Media & Entertainment

Her: The dating app for lesbian, bisexual and queer people

Written by Kajsa Rosenblad

First there was Grinder. Then straight people were like hey we want to hook up too? So Tinder came along (and it looks like it’s here to stay). But, some women got tired of d*cks so for a swift moment, Bumble was a thing. And now, taking the final step in our dating app chronology, we present to you – Her, who describes itself as the dating app for lesbian, bisexual and queer people. HALLELUJA.

Tinder’s algorithms
The first thing worth mentioning is that Her truly fills a gap, that Tinder could never fill. To cite my beloved lezzbo best friend: “In some weird Illuminati-way, straight guys manage to creep on to my Tinder, even though my setting is set to only girls!” How and why Tinder’s infamous algorithm allows this is a mystery yet to be solved, and until that day, Her can mantle the role as an easy breasy app full of swiping joy. Secondly, Her is as intersectional as a dating app will ever be. In addition to choosing your sexuality, which can be everything from flexisexual to demisexual, there is a long list of genders from which you can choose. Forget the two, sometimes three restricting boxes you have to squeeze your gender into. Her gives you the opportunity to disclose your gender and sexuality in a much more nuanced way.

Her can mantle the role as an easy breasy app full of swiping joy

“The worst dating app ever”
In addition to being well-informed and feminist, Her as a few functions that differ from Tinder. The “like”-function for example, works in a different way. Instead of only getting a notification when two people like each other, Her gives you a notification as soon as someone likes you. You then get the opportunity to like that person back. This is to mimic a more “life-like”, genuine interaction. Every like shows, so you have to prepare for rejection, just as in real life. Her also has a “Feed”-function, where you can post status updates and pictures, as well as answer the daily questions which cover topics ranging from masturbation to books. This feature has not been completely well-received. In their review of the app, Brightest Young Things compiled a selection of the updates people had posted on the feed. Think about it. Single people should never be allowed to vent what’s on their mind in a dating app. It is a recipe for disaster (or as my girl on the inside said: ”it’s downright geeky”). Depressing “I just want someone to cuddle and have pizza with” updates, disturbing use of emojis and a “virtual grammar graveyard”
, all add up to a cringy swamp you do not want to get sucked into.

The perfect gay-dar
Although it’s not perfect, Her is a medium that connects people and offers a space for lesbian and queer people without accidental straight guys interrupting. Additionally, it serves as an acknowledgement of the many sexual preferences and sexualities out there. This is important since the public discourse, which apps ultimately are a part of, sets the public mindset. And the faster everyone can grasp that the dichotomous view of genders as being either “male” or “female” and sexuality as either “straight” or “gay” is outdated, the better. Practically speaking,  Her seems to be quite effective as well, if maybe not in the intended way. My friend uses it as a place to position herself in the gay community, as well as checking who else is out there. “If I’ve seen her on Her, I know she’s gay so I know I can come on to her if I want to. And I guess other girls do the same, so they know they can come on to me. It’s like a form of gay-dar, when mine is not working properly.”

Cover: cuncon

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About the author

Kajsa Rosenblad

Kajsa grew up in Stockholm, Sweden, but has now moved to Amsterdam to pursue her dreams of becoming queen of the universe, or maybe at least journalist or political campaigner. She designs and makes her own clothing and likes art, books, chocolate and turtlenecks.